The Dead Sea Scrolls (of LA)

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,582536,00.html?test=latestnews

I only include this story so I can finally use this material…

Islam is like the soccer of the religious world. It’s popular everywhere else in the world–except America–and Americans don’t really get it and don’t really want to, and it’s violent as hell. Also, you never get to see the women fans.

(And if you call it violent, the fans will kick your ass.)

Just to be fair, to the outsider I guess NASCAR is like religion in America. The biggest day is Sunday, and you can still drink beer. You just sit on your couch and watch. And it only makes the news when someone crashes and burns, or gets caught with hookers.

Of course, Hacky-sack is like Rastafarianism. It’s pretty much required that you have to be high.

Cricket is a lot like Wicca. You never expect to actually see it, so when you do, you really have no idea what you’re looking at. Whenever someone tries to explain it, they sound really condescending.

Is baseball like Judaism? The real players make a lot of money. The men in black–either rabbis or umpires–make the rules. Steroids are optional.

Hinduism is more like a video game than a sport. With cheat codes you get a lot of extra lives, and your goal is to advance to the next level. You do that by crashing cars and killing hookers. That’s the games I play.

In that vein, calling Scientology a religion is like calling date rape a sport